Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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