omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
