absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
