omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
