Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
