I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
