i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.