Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food

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  (207): watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food http://tfl.nu/6rf4
  Replies (32) Good night (1109) Bad night (2164)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.

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  (703): Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid. http://tfl.nu/xyt3
  Replies (37) Good night (7307) Bad night (898)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Quoting wale wont save you from herpes

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  (703): Quoting wale wont save you from herpes http://tfl.nu/v00t
  Replies (29) Good night (772) Bad night (2750)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.

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  (217): I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage. http://tfl.nu/wgul
  Replies (31) Good night (1305) Bad night (3898)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

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  (503): He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy" http://tfl.nu/s0u1
  Replies (14) Good night (4255) Bad night (1159)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect

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  (412): Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect http://tfl.nu/da8w
  Replies (1) Good night (2423) Bad night (1119)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.

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  (254): Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat. http://tfl.nu/sxj6
  Replies (20) Good night (1627) Bad night (638)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.

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  (202): In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/gnds
  Replies (14) Good night (3510) Bad night (719)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.

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  (770): The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten. http://tfl.nu/cbpd
  Replies (2) Good night (1211) Bad night (562)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left

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  (208): I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left http://tfl.nu/jhm7
  Replies (4) Good night (1149) Bad night (558)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing

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  (208): Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing http://tfl.nu/2w9q
  Replies (7) Good night (463) Bad night (910)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?

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  (248): spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years? http://tfl.nu/coam
  Replies (3) Good night (1496) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Let's get weird.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's 10 am...

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm assuming that means you're not busy...

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  (920): Let's get weird. (608): It's 10 am... (920): I'm assuming that means you're not busy... http://tfl.nu/aihn
  Replies (3) Good night (1621) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.

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  (306): This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks. http://tfl.nu/6laj
  Replies (4) Good night (1850) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."

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  (402): It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head." http://tfl.nu/sgl1
  Replies (8) Good night (804) Bad night (409)

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