May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..