so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!