you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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