mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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