I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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