And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
