So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
