why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
