Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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