Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
