i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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