i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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