Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
