So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
