yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
