upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
