He uses pillows to masturbate.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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