Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
