wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
