my mouth tastes like poor choices
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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