My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this just has baby written all over it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
