I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
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Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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