He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize