Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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