..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
