Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
