just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
