she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
