last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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