I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
