Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
