U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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