oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just come out here and I will go home with you...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
