I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
