Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
