I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
