when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize