im drinking this country out of the recession.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
