If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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