I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
