Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
