I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.