I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
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Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.