I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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