In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
