you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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