If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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