Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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