Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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