When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize