My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
not ubering you a puppy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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