It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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