Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I touched a dick in church today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
