My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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