I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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