I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
