I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
